• Easy steps to self acceptance and good relationships...12
• Self esteem...13
• The Twelve Personal Skills...16

• Why labels are illogical...19
• How to turn labels into facts...20
• It's not 'just words'...22
• Summary...22

• Self-labels put you on the scales of worth...25
• Good labels make you insecure and anxious...25
• Hidden labels...26
• How to keep children off the scales Of worth...27
• What to do when others label you...30
• Summary...31

• What is self-acceptance?...32
• How do you build in self-acceptance?...33
• Repeat your self-acceptance statement...34
• Summary...35

• The false logic that worth must be earned...39
• The false logic that you must rate your Own and others' worth...41
• You need evidence of worth...42
• You try to tip the balance...42
• There are upsets when you teach your offspring...43
• You rate your worth by being needed...43
• Summary...44

• You do backflips for approval...45
• You think 'they will accept me if...'...46
• You dare not make mistakes...47
• You put strings on relationships...49
• You lose self-esteem if you lose your partner...50
• Summary...51

• Lopsided self less thinking...53
• Lopsided selfish thinking...54
• The balanced 'self-thinking' way...55
• How will others react?...57
• How selfless thinking comes about...57
• Summary...58

• Turn discouraging self-talk into encouragement...59
• Summary...62
• Turn self-rating into self-acceptance...62
• Summary...63
• Break large chores and worries into...64
• Bite-size pieces...64
• Summary...65

• Why we think we should not give...66
• Ourselves praise...66
• Why you should give yourself...67
• Realistic praise...67
• How to give yourself praise...67
• Teach children to give themselves...69
• Realistic praise...69
• Summary...69

• Know about your emotional energy...71
• It's up to you to recharge...72
• What recharges you?...73
• Organise time to recharge...73
• Summary...74

• Keep out of the rating trap...75
• It's how the trait fits that matters...75
• Accept all your traits...76
• Feel comfortable listing your traits...78
• Summary...78

• Tell good shoulds from pressure shoulds...79
• Good shoulds...79
• Pressure shoulds...80
• Which should is it?...81
• Take the pressure out of pressure shoulds...81
• 'i' wish...'...83
• Spot hidden shoulds...83
• Take the pressure out of hidden shoulds...86
• Show young children how to...86
• Handle shoulds...86
• Spot peer pressure and manipulation...87
• Teach young ones to say no to sexual pressure...87
• Summary...88

• Where shoulds come from...90
• Society shoulds, family shoulds and personal shoulds...91
• Society shoulds...91
• When shoulds clash, look for what really matters...94
• People are so different...95
• Make your standards realistic...96
• Don't demand perfection!...97
• Summary...98

• Society's old rules about feelings...99
• Tears...99
• 'emotions are illogical'...100
• 'feelings don't realty count'...101
• 'there are "bad" feelings'...101
• Useful ways to handle feelings...102
• Accept your feelings...102
• Know your feelings...102
• Tips for finding feelings...102
• Low feelings...104
• Pleasant feelings...104
• Talk about your feelings...106
• Summary...107

• Writing the six-step method for relief...109
• How it works...110
• Step 1...111
• Step 2...111
• The pressure should...111
• Because if...111
• It makes me...112
• The complete step 2 illogical sentence...113

• Step 3...114
• Do away with your pressure should...114
• Do away with 'because'...114
• Do away with your button seif-labels...114
• The complete step 3 logical sentence...116
• Step 4...116
• Step 5...117
• Step 6...118
• Another example...119
• Summary...119
• Sabine beecher's six-step method to master unwanted feelings...121

• Word-for-word explanation...124
• Example:...father with an alcohol problem...127
• Why 'negative' feelings come about...128
• 'will i become unfeeling?'...129
• Summary...129

• Step 1: your starting feelings...131
• Step 2(a): get your should right...131
• The spaghetti bowl of shoulds...131
• Four tips for shoulds...133
• Step 2(b): 'because if.....134
• Step 2(c): 'it makes me . . . (button...135
• Self-labels) . . .'...135

• Step 3(a): your should replacer...139
• Step 3(b): 'but if . . .'...140
• Step 3(c): 'it cannot make me. . .'...140
• Step 4: tips for 'it means that. . .'...140
• Step 5: tip for 'and i will . . .'...141
• Step 6: your more comfortable feelings...141
• Three more useful tips...142
• Example: six steps to lessen nervousness...143
• Summary...144

• Lessen stress and tension -feel...145
• The relaxation...145
• Reduce anxiety-feel happy and relaxed...146
• Does the six-step method lift depression?...147
• How do i control my anger?...148
• Ways to release anger...148
• When you don't want to lose your temper...150
• Sorrow, loss and grief...151
• Summary...153

• Everyday wording gives your...155
• Heartstrings away...155
• The same happening means different...156
• Things to different people...156
• The happening is just the trigger...156
• Say what you mean and take charge...157
• Of your feelings...157
• You can't pull someone else's heartstrings!...159
• Pull your own heartstrings!...159
• Summary...160

• Blaming makes more problems...161
• Needless guilt...161
• The guilt of sinning...163
• Simply state the facts...164
• Summary...166

• Aspects of your self...168
• Aspects change...171
• Summary...172

• Make your rights down-to-earth...174
• Think of rights to fit your life...174
• When your right affects someone else's...175
• Some rights are demands...176
• Summary...176

• What is assertiveness?...178
• Styles of assertiveness...180
• Alternatives to assertiveness...181
• Meek behaviour...181
• Aggressive behaviour...181
• Body language...182
• Summary...184

• Fact-level talk...186
• Head-level talk...186
• Gut-level talk...186
• You can use the levels of talk...187
• A couple relationship problem...188
• Summary...189

• Always connect first...190
• The s-hook response...191
• The s-hook conversation chain...192
• S-hooks that say 'i'm listening'...193
• S-hooks that check back...193
• Giving a check-back s-hook response...195
• Uses of the s-hook response...197
• Summary...199

• Why 'having it out' is a must...201
• The rules for creative arguing...202
• 1 Don't bottle it up. . . talk!...203
• 2 Talk at the right time...204

• Rules for creative arguing (continued)...206
• 3 Stick to the topic...206
• 4 Don't blame or attack, explain what it's like for you...207
• 5 Be sure to use S-hooks...209

• Rules for creative arguing (continued)...211
• 6 Negotiate a combined, creative solution...211
• Creative fighting...213
• What if. . ....215
• Summary...215

• Why you must keep in touch...217
• How to keep in touch...218
• Tell the fact and add what it means to you...218
• Send each other s-hook questions...218
• Combine telling and asking...219
• How to study and stay close...219
• Rocky points for couples...220
• What sets couple closeness apart from...221
• Family closeness?...221
• Summary...222

• Why self-acceptance is more practical than self-esteem...225
• Self-acceptance frees you from the scales of worth...225
• Self-acceptance is more tangible and attractive to learners...225
• Insight into a crucial difference between...225
• Self-esteem and self-acceptance...225
• The outside, context-derived source of good feelings...226
• The inside, self-generated source of good feelings...226
• Practical uses for self-acceptance...227
• Answers and solutions to puzzles...227
• Teach youngsters (and anyone) to feet good in any circumstance and have the strength to say 'no' to drugs, incest, etc....229
• Youngsters should be self-reliant. self-reliance is the buffer between the individual and the outside world....229
• Adapting to change...230
• A new approach to psychological measurement and...231
• Remedial teaching...231
• Potential for other practical applications...231
• The skills in this book...232